God, I’m done with my independence and distance, it’s such an effort keeping my dreams secret and my desires seperate, holding everything and everyone at arms length. Will you take my clenched-fist stubborness and replace it with open-palmed vulnerability, Bare skin openess. I’m laying down my armour.
God, I’ve been fighting so hard, but only now do I see that you never ask for inpenetrable, invincible stoicism. You don’t call me to grit my teeth and keep my distance. I’m not supposed to battle on through brave-faced but internally bruised. You embraced brokenness and you don’t hide your face from mine.
God, for so long fear has kept me bound. A tight bud flower too frightened to risk the light. Thankyou for your gentleness, never forcing me to bloom. Thankyou that you wept with me, all the days I hid my true colours from the world.
God, I need you. I need your Warrior strength and your Mother comfort. I need your King victory and your Almighty hope. I need your Father love and your Spirit wisdom just to get my through these days.
God, I need these people. The fragile and fallible you have wrapped around me. I need their friendship and direction, their humour and correction. I need to bounce off them and grow alongside them. They refresh me and protect me. We share your light. They repeatedly show me a love I have never known, and in its safety I learn to trust.
God, I’m opening up the gates of this closely guarded heart. I’m tearing down the shrouds and letting in the light. I’m digging out the paints and splashing bright-hued boldness over shades of grey. I’m breaking down the fences of this demarkation zone.
God, will you enter in?
