Irrepressible Light May 29, 2008

Once, in a house where I no longer live, a creative child had stencilled glow-in-the-dark stars onto navy walls. When I moved in, the room looked a bit like stepping off the edge of the universe into deep space.

I decided that lilac was more suitable for a young women and her first room in a new town. And so we set to the task enthusiastically with rollers. Shrewdly, we decided on some coats of white paint first. The navy was pretty all-pervading, and so we counted on two or three coats to cover it…

…After six we became somewhat disheartened. The walls still betrayed their dark undertones, and the stars simply stuck out. There was no covering them.

I think we may have got to eight coats before the navy was gone. The stars were still a little bumpy but by that point the initial thrill of decorating had long since departed. We slapped lilac over the top and hoped for the best.

That night, I collapsed into my (paint-fume filled) new bedroom. I was pretty exhausted and still in that, “Oh my gosh why have I moved 200 miles from my home town” sort of frame of mind.

Then, my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and I found myself laughing.

I’m sure my equally new housemate must have wondered what on earth was going on. Why was her new friend hysterical at 11.30pm?

The reason for my mirth was that, dotted all over my walls, utterly unhampered by the layers of white and lilac, were countless, happily glowing stars. In the daylight they were hidden, it looked like we had been successful in our quest to eradicate the creativity of the previous occupant. When the room was shrouded in darkness however, the scene was very different.

I lived a year in that room, and I’m happy to report that when I stayed in it again eight weeks ago, the stars were still very firmly in situe (I found myself wondering if there would ever be any way to get rid of them?)

I’ve been thinking a lot about those stars this morning, their irrepressibility, their constancy, the way they fought to shine through the layers we covered them with.

It strikes me that it is in the dark moments of our lives when the light of who God is shines through more perfectly. It looks like that light will be covered, blotted out, hidden, and yet there is no hiding it. It pops through the darkness with the same confidence as the glow in the dark stars on my wall.

I didn’t have to do anything to make the stars shine. They shone because that was what they were designed to do. In the same way I realise that I do not have to do anything to make God’s light shine into the places of my darkness and confusion. It just does, because that is who he is.

When it’s daylight, when I am walking through spacious meadows on easy paths, sometimes I forget the reality of God’s light. The stars stay hidden under the paint and I do not look or say thankyou for them. My prayer is that I can truly become less complacent, and more reliant on his light to lead me at all times.

“Oh light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May fairer, brighter be.

O joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be. “

Not Destroyed… May 28, 2008

And so I find myself journeying the desert paths again. Isn’t is a bit frustrating when you think you’ve navigated through something and then it returns with new vehemency?

Anyhow, through what can definitely be described as a difficult few days, I’ve been finding comfort in this verse:

“Vicki is hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.“

(I copied it straight from facebook, it doesn’t actually say ‘Vicki is’ in the proper Bible version, sadly, and I was going to delete that bit, but then I thought I’d keep it) Anyway…

I’m not crushed because I am a child of a King and therefore I can always look beyond these circumstances, these events, these struggles. What feels nightmarish here is only temporary and there are good things coming which cause it to pale and vanish.

I’m not in despair because I have no reason to despair. How ever tricky life is to navigate, I know utterly that God is in control and that he will not step back at any stage. He has proved it before and I believe 100% that he will in this.

I’m not abandoned because I have a God who is right by my side, and some fab friends who keep me on the straight and narrow, who laugh and cry with me, who show Jesus to me in a myriad of ways.

I’m not destroyed because I’m choosing to walk on. To believe that God has a purpose in this that I can’t see. To trust that he uses all things for the good of those who love him.

The Joy of 24-7 May 27, 2008

Friday night afforded me the opportunity to get back into the swing of late night prayer, and I loved it. I was at a church in South East London for their monthly youth night of prayer. There were about 20 young people there between the ages of 15-20ish, and they prayed up a storm!

I’d forgotten the buzz that comes from sitting in a semi dark room, knowing that you are going to be there for the next twelve hours, anticipating where prayer is going to take you.

I’d forgotten how exciting it is to be around a bunch of youth who just so want to pray, and who will do any number of wacky creative prayer excercises as part of this.

I was humbled and amazed to hear some beautiful and honest prayers, you know the type that aren’t slick or polished but raw and heartfelt.

I was amazed to hear them praying for someone in their community who is struggling at the moment. Their grip of spiritual warfare was impressive.

I loved the 3am slot, where we just all stood in a circle and said thankyou to God. It could have gone on for hours, and there was a lovely sense of worship and adoration.

I also loved my faithful armour-bearing friend back home in Wandsworth, who stayed up till 4am, at home on his own to pray alongside us. That was such a blessing.

Most of all I loved it that Our Father caught all of this. That he was listening and present for every minute of those hours. That he strengthened us when the caffiene wore off and guided our prayers, that he even inhabited the moments of silence. That he hovered over the young people sleeping in corners, That he rejoiced and delighted in each of them.

I loved it that a group of them snuck out in the early hours of the morning and ‘tin-foiled’ some of the leader’s cars too. A top moment!!

God is in this May 21, 2008

God is in this. He is greater than the darkness, He is bigger than all that would tempt me to give up, and He is fundamentally good.

My God sees the bare facts and yet does not reject me. He sees my struggle and uncertainty and waits patiently. He speaks tenderly to me in the midst of grief and pain.

I trip and land face down in the dust, tired tears mix with the sand and the cruel sun taunts my aching back. Every aching muscle complains – surely slavery was preferable to this uphill walk to freedom?

Momentarily I consider rolling over, using the last of my strength to roll into one of the deep ditches along the side of the road, to sink into their anonymous, stagnant shadow. The whispers I have fought to silence begin to babble afresh:

“This is too much for you. He has abandoned you. You’ll never make it. Give up now.”

Despair waits to claim me, with alluring promises of numb oblivion. I got this far, surely that was achievement enough? Surely it’s permissible now to rescind the vows I made that I would fight my way out of this captivity? Self Pity mocks: “Haven’t you fought enough?”

I close my eyes, still face down on the dusty ground. I fight to hear the tender voice that has led me so far. I feel like there is nothing of me left, but He hasn’t left the scene, He hasn’t changed, and as I reach the end of my own strength, I believe that His is still abundant.

Forcing myself to focus on His words, the harsh tones of accusation and condemnation begin to diminish, drowned out by softly spoken words of acceptance and love. I have no energy but His words are like an elixir of life:

“Freedom is possible. You have been redeemed. The path is difficult, but the treasure is great.”

I lift my head then, to see Him standing at my side, spotless in white. He reaches down a hand to me and helps me to my feet. I am unsteady, but He is immovably strong, supporting me as I get my balance.

I lift my head and look forwards, the road twists and I cannot see where it leads, but I know I do not walk alone. I may trip and fall again but these falls do not mark the end of the journey. Every trip is a chance to learn something new about the unfailing love of the God who stoops down and helps me up again. He reminds me that His love is the same when I walk fast and when I stumble and fall, His forgiveness is complete whether I am resting in confidence or assailed by temptation and doubt. ‘He is sheer beauty, All-generous in love, loyal always and ever.’

I talk with Him, as we begin to walk forwards, and we share dreams of redemption and adventure. We share strategies to help others fallen on the road or sinking in the ditches. Hope blossoms and fuels each forward step. I remind myself – difficult is worth doing. ‘There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere.’ We must keep onwards.

I will not allow myself to reminisce, to permit the hollow suggestion that slavery was preferable, to consider that my life was better lived in unidentifiable chains. God has led me on this path and therefore how can I complain? Looking back is futile, especially when I carry the promise that the future is brighter, especially when the glimpses I catch are of a life more full and free than I could have imagined. It is for these realities that I push forwards, that I keep walking, that I reaffirm my trust in Him afresh.

Revival? May 19, 2008

I can hear that thunder in the distance
Like a train on the edge of town
I can feel the brooding of Your Spirit
“Lay your burdens down, Lay your burdens down”.

Revive us, Revive us,
Revive us with your fire!

 Copyright © 1998 Daybreak Music Ltd.

 Everywhere I go at the moment there seems to be whisperings about revival. “Have you heard what is happening in Florida” seems to be a common topic of conversation in some of the circles I find myself in.

At this point I should admit to a penchant for cynicism. You are reading the musings of a girl who, in her teens, utterly shunned anything emitting a vaguely charismatic aroma. So much so that me and my best friend once walked out of a meeting because, wait for it, they dared to speak in tongues. (I imagine God had a good laughing fit three years later when me and the same friend began earnestly seeking the very same gift… ooops!).

Anyway, I was brought up believing that revivals don’t happen, the gifts of the spirit aren’t for now, this is all there is.

Thankfully God arrested me in my tracks and that view has completely changed. Now I find myself marvelling at the power of the Holy Spirit and praying for more of a breakout of it in the Salvation Army. But you understand when I say that I haven’t always been that open to stuff!!

So my internal response to news of supernatural healings aplenty was firstly reticence. (I probably shouldn’t admit that), but as more and more stories leak out, and as what is happening in Florida seems to be part of a whole host of other concurrent stuff, I have been challenged to stretch my view a little.

 Last night I heard a great sermon about the nature of revival, how the Acts 2:42-47 descritpion is a list of characteristics of a ‘normal’ church, and thus none of us have really experienced ‘normal’. The early church didn’t need revival because it was ‘vived’ enough. The speaker identified some things that are always present in a revival as follows:

• Passionate worship – Christians falling love with God all over again
• Demonstrations of God’s power – signs and wonders
• Salvations – people given the choice to respond to the gospel and choosing affirmatively.

He said that revival is something we can’t dredge up or put on, the Holy Spirit instigates it. But it is something that we can prepare for. We can do this by pursuing the folowing:

• Unity with other churches/Christians
• Courageous faith
• Sincere and heartfelt prayer

After all this, which was all good stuff, we had a time of response and prayer which turned into one of the most powerful outpourings of the Holy Spirit I’ve been in, in a long time. People were healed physically, people received new gifts, there was a sense of expectancy and presence in that room that left most of the congregation awed and silenced. Worship went on and on, every time they tried to stop people just stayed, silent and still in prayer. It was awesome.

 What I loved about last night was that this wasn’t happening in some far away country, replayed on the fuzzy screen of my laptop, I was watching the power of God at work in front of my eyes. He was doing big things, in my here and now, in a random corner of Wandsworth. I recognised the tug of God’s challenge on my heart as my cynicism further dissipated, and I began to believe that this stuff really could happen in my surroundings, in my lifetime.  

 What’s really exciting also is that I have heard repeated stories like this, from churches all over the UK, where expectancy seems to be rising and God’s power is at work. If I couple that with things like the Global day of Prayer, the response to Hope 2008 accross the country, the Pentecost festival here in London, the increase in Street Pastor teams throughout the country etc, I feel like this growing spark of excitement that these are important times. Like the words in the song above, it feels like something is close, you can hear the rumble of it like a ‘train on the edge of town’, and I really don’t want to miss out on what God is up to, through cynicism or self-centredness or plain apathy.

 In the meantime, I want to pursue the three points above – unity, faith and prayer. I don’t know what God is up to and I don’t know what this is all going to look like, but something in me is stirred.

Surely it’s not just me?

Visby, Sweden May 18, 2008

This is another of those posts that I know will probably not do justice to the amazing time we had… hmmm.

So, we were in Visby to lead a week of teaching about different aspects of prayer. On Tuesday we did the mechanics of prayer, on Wednesday – prayer and church, on Thursday – prayer and the community and on Friday – healing prayer.

The town of Visby is amazing, I’d recommend a visit to anyone. It is very old – some of the buildings are from the 12th century, and the section of the town we were in is walled. The town is on the West coast of the Island of Gotland, which has a rich and long history involving trading, pirates and treasure. The attached pictures hopefully show a bit what it was like.

Teaching was so much fun, and we met people from Sweden, Germany, Iceland and Denmark. It was a wondrous cacophany of languages! It was ablessing to worship and pray with the group too.

As is usual with these things, God was working and connecting and bringing about some brilliant conversations, we had ‘fika’ many times, which is like a small snack, over which we discussed boiler room, and what it means to build communities of prayer. I was thrilled to be reminded that these are springing up all over the place.

After school had finished each day, we walked all over the town and explored the windy streets, marvelling at the mix of buildings and the colours and styles. It was like we had gone back 200 years. The streets were cobbly and the whole place was just really unspoilt. It was very very quiet – so different from South West London. Even the pace of life is relaxed and laid back.

Visby’s a very creative place too. Apparently there are more artists per square mile than in any other place. We could well believe it. Something about the place just seemed to bring creativity out. We both commented that it was so easy to write there. I felt like I could have holed myself away on a hilltop and just written and written, it was that inspiring.

Food was yummy too, we had real, authentic swedish meatballs, as well as lots of nice cheese!! My personal favourites were the traditional raspberry pie, and sweetcorn soup (not together though!), we also found a lovely iron-shaped creperie, which is in one of the pictures above. The crepes were fabulous!!

I know there is more I could write, and I probably will, but for now it will suffice to say that we had an awesome time, and are excited about the connections we made out there. I feel privileged to have had the opportunity to meet the people on the Saved2Save course, and to have visited Visby.

Off to Sweden May 11, 2008

As of tomorrow morning, myself and my esteemed prayer-leading colleague are off to the wondrous town of Visby, in Sweden, to lead a week of prayer teaching.

It’s a bit of a heavy schedule, with 4 lectures each day (so we’re leading two each, each day!). So if anyone can spare a prayer or two that would be cool.

We’re back Saturday 17th!

Global Day of Prayer 2008 May 11, 2008

The sun shone brightly down on Millwall Football stadium in South London, as thousands of Christians gathered there to mark the seventh Global Day of Prayer.

London joined over 60 other UK cities, and 210 countries across the world, praying on the theme, ‘Your Kingdom Come… on Earth as in Heaven.

The celebration began with resonating worship, led by Noel Richards, Geraldine Latty, Godfrey Birtil and Graham Kendrick. Children’s choirs, dancers and representatives from the local government of the area also led different sections of the programme.

Joining in agreement, the 20,000+ Christians prayed into a number of different areas:

• For the Street Pastors initiative, which sees Christians taking to the streets and offering a listening ear and practical assistance to those they meet.
• For projects dealing with youth crime and urban deprivation in London.
• For the Hope 2008 initiative.
• For those affected by knife and gun crime.
• For the new Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, and his staff.
• For those affected by natural disaster, poverty and climate change throughout the world.

The father of Damilola Taylor, the schoolboy murdered in London in 2000, led a time of united prayer asking for forgiveness for the perpetrators of these crimes, and for peace and justice to reign in the capital. The congregation sang the words of the prayer of St Francis, ‘Make me a channel of your peace’, as a white dove appeared on the big screens signifying this peace and hope.

Representatives from different people groups living in London led Scripture readings in their native languages, including Hebrew, Tamil, Portuguese, Chinese and Spanish, and the congregation joined in a responsive version of Psalm 8, declaring the Majesty and Glory of God’s name.

The atmosphere in the stadium was electric as people stood worshipping in groups and kneeled in prayer on the pitch. Prayers flowed for repentance, blessing, salvation and transformation for the city of London and further afield.

The event ended with a responsive prayer which was prayed in each of the countries taking part in the Global Day of Prayer. It felt powerful and exciting to be praying words that millions of others would also be lifting to God across the world. We’re all waiting expectantly to see how God moves as a result of the faithful prayers of his people across the globe on this day.

Here are some pictures:

 The gang outside the stadium

 Waiting for the fun to start

 

 Sheltering from the sun!

 Crowds of merry pray-ers

Skirting Round The Edges May 7, 2008

Now, if I asked most of you, “Are we going round the edges?” you’d probably have no idea what I was talking about. Only a few initiates have any clue, and thats because I have schooled them in the unique nature of Vicki-phrases. It actually means, ‘are we nearly ready to go?’, and was an expression my Dad always used to use. Anyway, thats an aside, it’s just the title reminded me of it!

One of the things that I was challenged by at ROOTS was the way I share my personal testimony. I guess I take it for granted a lot of the year that people pretty much know it, so I don’t have to think very much. One of the most intriguing facets of 2008 so far has been realising and welcoming some new aspects to the story, and ROOTS made me think that I need to practise the whole thing a bit more.

Over the weekend, I was asked on two occasions for my story, how I got where I am today, how I journeyed to this particular place in life. In both instances, I heard myself skirt around the edges with the following, neat few sentences:

“I was raised in a Salvationist family and attended from birth. I was always in the corps but I didn’t really get the whole God thing until I was about 16. At that point I decided that I either needed to get serious about God and begin living properly for him, or to give up on the whole thing completely. I chose Him and here I am!!”

Now, this gets points for speedy delivery, but on both occasions that I found myself relaying it, I was convicted that I wasn’t being entirely truthful. Now, I think I know why. Somewhere along the line I have assumed that, when people ask for my story, they just want some neat, quick, sanitised version. I guess I sometimes find myself thinking that the actual truth of the story is much too messy to fit into a couple of brief sentances, and that therefore the abridged version is safer and doesn’t rock the boat.

I’m not really sure how to rectify that. Maybe I should get a T Shirt with it printed on or something. I don’t want to be one of those annoying people who goes on about themselves all the while, but at the same time I’m conscious that a lot of the time I skim over some of the more miraculous things God has done – I paint an Enid Blyton Picture when the truth is more Tolkien.

Maybe the next time someone asks me I will dare be a bit more honest? Or maybe I will keep wussing out and God will eventually smite me?

Where to start? May 7, 2008

(I’m thinking this could be a long post!)

So, ROOTS was amazing. We got to Southport on Thursday evening to find blue sky (a big change from rainy London). We did a little bit of unpacking and then discussed some practicalities over a meal.

Friday dawned bright, and again sunny, and so we wended our way to the (lovely, spacious, white) tent to begin the set up. The day passed in a blur of mounting posters, assembling lampstands, splaying black fabric and setting up gazebos. Gradually more and more of the glorious folks who would make up the prayer team arrived, and so our assembling was punctuated by hugs, greetings and catch ups with some dear friends. Later on we had a collective staff meeting, which was a great chance to hand over the whole thing to God and connect with him before the madness started!

In the late afternoon delegates began arriving, which was great, as everything started to feel really alive and like it was really happening. We had an ‘after-hours’ slot in the prayer tent, and people came in really ready to connect with God and the theme. Historically the Friday night is sometimes a bit quiet, and it takes people a while to get into things, but this year seemed different – right from the start there was a real passion and fervence about the prayer going on.

Saturday was great too – the fervence continued, and loads of people came in for prayer. It had rained overnight, so we had to do a bit of bailing out, but it was dry for most of the day, despite a severe weather warning! We had some groovy seminars, including one about going ‘beyond 24-7′, which was really inspiring. The day passed in a rush of conversations and praying. We had a blue gazebo where some of the team were interceding at all times, so we popped in and out of there throughout the day. That night we had another ‘after hours’ slot, titled ‘Ignite’. We wanted to leave space for the Holy Spirit to do stuff, and He definitely did, in ways we didn’t expect.

Sunday began quite wet, so much so that we had to build a moat around the prayer tent, which was a first! We had some more seminars, more praying with people, and another great after-hours slot, where we cut people free of things that were holding them back. I had a couple of really useful and inspiring meetings, and went to bed feeling very excited about things God is up to!

And then it was all over too quickly – Monday morning flew past, and before we knew it we were packing down. This seemed to pass in record time, and everything fitted neatly into the van. We said lots of goodbyes, then had a relaxed meal with the seven of us that remained. It was lovely to wrap everything up and discuss some of the breakthroughs we had seen.

It was then back down the M6, merrily spotting Eddie Stobarts, chatting about all we’d seen and done. There were no traffic jams, and it was lovely to see Wandsworth again.

I was astounded again over the weekend by the power of prayer and the difference it can make. I was surprised again by the presence of God in unexpected places. I was personally challenged and convicted about lots of things. Think that all deserves a seperate post though! Suffice to say that it was an awesome time and there is lots to be thankful for!