The End Of 07 December 31, 2007

Well, it’s been another full year (which I’m sure has again passed quicker than the previous one). Before I get too caught up in feasting and festivities I thought I’d take five and think back over some of the highlights, lowlights and… in-between-lights of the past 12 months.

Highlights are easy. In January of last year I went to Latvia, it was -05 degrees and I got to walk on the (frozen) sea. I loved it there, and have really missed it this winter. I got to spend time with the lovely Zoe, Graeme and Sian too. Which was very cool.

Also in January I got to visit my older sister and three nephews down in Devon. I get to see them very rarely, so it was lovely. Even more lovely were the comments of my youngest nephew, “Vicki, you look just like Mummy does”.

Then there was ROOTS in May. Always a hight point. I can’t remember any of the specifics as the weekend passed in a hazy, sleep-deprived blur. I do remember that it was amazing as usual though.

Travelling to Bristol, Swanwick, Irthlingborough, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Sunbury, Liverpool (4 times), Birmingham (twice), Derby, Salford, Leeds, Nantwich, Oldham, Denmark Hill, Huddersfield, Cressing, Maidstone, Seville, Staines, Walthamstow, and other places with work. I have so so loved all the new places and new people I’ve got to meet and work with this year.

The youth group’s Czech republic trip. It was punishing but still a good week.

My treat day in August – visiting the ‘Sacred’ exhibition of holy texts and literature at the British Library, then taking in the Nat History Museum, and the V&A, plus shopping in South Kensington, all in one day!

The road trip home from Oldham in Hattie’s car, when Caden was only 6 months old and not good at car journeys, her and me frantically singing and acting out every kids song we could think of, and managing to prevent him crying till Tooting.

Multiple coffee meetings in Starbucks and equivalent accross the country. Multiple train trips to meet friends in Northampton, Worthing, Canterbury, and other places. Relaxing, discussing ideas and big dreams.

After all that the lowlights pale into insignificance really. There was some uncertain moments, an unexpected housemove, the loss of a really good friend, moments of frustration and confusion, but in all of these times God was there, as were the people, the family and friends he has surrounded me with. I have lots to be thankful for.

I am so looking forward to all the challenges and adventures of 2008. I’ll post about that seperately as have a train to catch!!

Happy New Year everyone xx

Christmas Update December 29, 2007

I’m not sure where I begin to blog about all the things I’ve saw and done over the Christmas period, but I figure the longer I leave it, the harder it will be! So I’m going to attempt a chronological splurge.

Festivities began on Christmas eve as I travelled down to Canterbury on the train. I love trains on Christmas eve, everyone is kinda jolly and laden with bags of presents and its a really fun atmosphere. I arrived safely and arranged my presents under the tree. Only one of them was nibbled by the canine occupant of the house, which was a pretty good record. Other memories include a wonderful pasta dish, me trying to stop my teeth from chattering and feeling very very sick (nothing to do with wonderful pasta but the malingering stomach bug that is even still plaguing me!)

 Christmas day was a nice mix of busyness and relaxation. We woke up lateish, went to church, wandered to friends, ate and then played a long game of Trivial Pursuit (I’d never played it before, and I found that I loved it). Then we wandered home again and watched Doctor Who. After this and a while later we opened pressies. I got some lovely gifts, some beautiful editions of the Chronicles of Narnia, stationery, cushions, chocolate, candles, crockery etc. I felt very blessed. Unwrapping took until about 1am, and then I stayed up for ages reading Narnia books, so it was a long day.

Boxing day we drove to a little village called Littlebourne. It was lovely – the English countryside is something I miss while ensconced in central London. We had a good day with more yummy food.

On the 27th, we hit the sales. I wondered if old age had descended upon me as for the first time in my life I wanted to buy soft furnishing rather than clothes. I didnt buy very much but got a couple of lovely cushions. It was nice to feel a bit better too. In the afternoon we drove to London and I lugged my bags home. In the evening I caught up with some people from Church, it felt good to be back and to reconnect with people here.

Yesterday (Friday), I went to visit my Mum, Dad and Sister. Had a bit of a travel nightmare when I woke up at 9am, (my train was due to leave from Wimbledon at 9.53!). So I grabbed my case and legged it out of the house… just made it. Was good to spend time with family, I got some more nice things including a watch and some makeup etc. Katie and I attempted to go clubbing, but it was cold so we were only out for an hour (More evidence that those years have passed!!).

Today we wandered round the town where my family live, and then we went back and I cooked a meal for all of them. Tonight I travelled home, and spent a while just tidying up and getting my head around being home.

Tomorrow will be a quiet day, and then I am away again for New Year!

Before and Nearly December 23, 2007

Today was one of those days which felt like a long pause before something happens. This morning, like most other mornings this month, I woke up and clambered disorientatedly over the pile of presents. Like most other Sundays, I went to Church (the local Anglican church today – it was fab).

Like almost half of 2007’s Sundays, I prepared for our church meeting at 3pm, and took the bus later to and from our cell group, but today didn’t really feel like any other day.

Firstly, we sang ‘O Come O Come Immanuel’ in the service this morning. The lyrics are evocative and speak of redemption and release. With an organ backing, the words seemed to reverberate around the church and the sentiment seemed exagerated. It was as if we were singing the verses about Wandsworth, as if the verses themselves became an act of intercession.

Our church meeting this afternoon was different too. There were over 40 of us, everyone turned out to celebrate, hand out presents, share coffee and worship together. There was the same intensity about our gathering, as if we really meant the things we were saying and praying. It was such a joy to dish out the pile of presents, knowing I won’t have to purposely avoid tripping over them tomorrow morning, although I wish I could be there to see people opening them. I love giving gifts.

The very atmosphere of Wandsworth today seemed to be imbued with a sense that we’re approaching something. Traffic jams lined the main road outside of our meeting place, and we marvelled that Jesus is perhaps the only person born 2000 years ago who still has the ability to bring the city roads to a standstill.

By the time we had finished, a thick fog had fallen, and the greasy streets seemed muffled and silenced. The last few days have been manic here, but tonight it felt like everyone had bought shopping enough, emptied Sainsburys enough, wrestled with wrapping paper enough, squeezed onto buses enough and there was a momentary lull. (I’m sure tomorrow will be pretty hemmed again, but it was nice that it all stopped for at least a few hours).

In cell we watched the Greatest Christmas countdown, ate cold turkey and marvelled that this was the last cell of 2007 for us. Again we recognised that we are anticipating something, that the celebration approaches, as do the endings, seperations and goodbyes of the end of the year.

Some of my housemates have already started the journey home for Christmas, my house feels half-inhabited, even here I can feel the strange ‘nearly-Christmas’ feeling. As I jump on the train tomorrow I know that instead of summising that people are off on a night out, or commuting home from work etc, we’ll all be engaging in similar trips to connect with and spend time with friends and family. I like the sense of antipation that brings, and the friendly understanding between fellow passengers clambering aboard carrying brightly coloured bags of presents.

My Christmas tour will take in Canterbury, Dunstable, Northampton and then Canterbury again. I am so looking forward to seeing different people, celebrating together, drinking vast quantities of Schloer and generally reflecting on the good bits of 2007.

Back in a week or so!!

‘I Am’ Revealed December 22, 2007

Exodus 6:6-9 ‘ “I am God. I will bring you out from under the cruel hard labour of Egypt. I will rescue you from slavery. I will redeem you, intervening with great acts of judgement. I’ll take you as my own people and I’ll be God to you. You’ll know that I am God, your God who brings you out from under the cruel hard labour of Egypt. I’ll bring you into the land that I promised to give Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and give it to you as your own country. I AM God.”But when Moses delivered this message to the Israelites, they didn’t even hear him—they were that beaten down in spirit by the harsh slave conditions.’“We are too hurt to believe in Him.”

“I have been failed too many times.”

“I don’t know how to trust anyone, let alone an invisible God.”

“If He cares so much, why has this happened to me?”

Reading the above passage today, I was struck by the hope and promise relayed to Moses. God spoke into the crushing reality of the present. He perceived the pervading hopelessness among his people and galvanised a plan for deliverance. And yet the Hebrew people were so broken that they couldn’t hope for it.

Verse 2 of the same chapter says: ‘God continued speaking to Moses, reassuring him, “I am God. I appeared to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob as The Strong God, but by my name God (I-Am-Present) I was not known to them.’

The I-Am-Present God reveals himself in wonder and miracle. Into the despair of slavery he breathes the promise of rescue. And, He doesn’t make do with a few supernatural signs, but he reveals his name to His people. This is extra, a personal touch. This is God interacting with His people in a tangible way. Before He has been known, but now comes the revelation of His character.

When we know someone by name we build relationship with them. We can empathise with them, consider them, truly begin to know them.

In the same way God works out his plan. He sees a people who are oppressed and treated unjustly. He gives something of Himself to them – His name. For the first time since the Fall, God’s people can draw nearer to God, they can know Him more intimately. This relationship is part of His plan for their salvation.

There is another example of this. In the birth of Jesus we see the same revelation of God’s character. The display is stronger, we are drawn deeper and deeper into relationship with Him, as he literally comes and is part of our existence, as God, no longer just a concept, no longer just a name, is incarnated in flesh.

How many times since that Bethlehem night, has He spoken, and, like the Israelites, have we been too ‘beaten down in spirit by the harsh slave conditions’ to hear His promises?

How many times have we relied on a conceptual knowledge of who God is, forgetting the revelation of His name and overlooking the truth of his incarnation?

Lord, my heart swells with your promise of deliverance, even when all I see are the rusting manacles of surrounding slavery. Thank-you, ‘I Am Present God’, that you don’t remain afar, but that you incarnate yourself into the complexities of my present. My confidence is in you, faithful one. Amen.

The Waiting December 19, 2007

Exodus 1-2

Once a land of provision, but now a place of hardship and toil. Oppressed bitterly we have little choice but to submit to these hard conditions. The Egyptians ruthless, the conditions harsh, we work without hope of fair recompense. Every day our circumstances become more desperate – we are pushed harder, worked until we faint, mistreated and abused.Our children are taken, thrown into the river because of their gender. The mothers of a generation sob for their lost sons. We grieve as we toil. We are the voiceless ones.From whence will our deliverance come? Days pass, years roll on in hopeless monotone. We bake bricks until our bones break, we work in the fields until we are bent over and blind. We mix mortar for cities we will never inhabit, and stock storehouses for food we will never eat. Where is the God of our forefathers?

Meanwhile, out in the wilderness, a young man wanders. A murderer, he has run away from all he ever knew. Injustice pulsates in him at the oppression of his people, even his privileged upbringing in the Egyptian courts is unable to suppress the heart-cry of his heritage. A wanted man, he cannot return, he is separated from his family, a stranger in an alien land. He is an unlikely candidate for God’s redemptive plan.

Then, God speaks through a burning bush. ‘I AM’ appears and sets the plan into motion. Moses, cleansed, restored and called for a Divine purpose, returns to his homeland. Hope comes to the Hebrew people, carried by a man exiled as a criminal, forced to flee on account of his sin and shame. God uses the unlikely candidate, the frightened, questioning and uncertain one. The wait is over.

***

Thousands of years later, Ellen is shivering in the corner of a tiny room. The bread is stale and no-one has been to visit for days. She is crushed by loneliness, a prisoner of anxiety and fear.

Carly carves another line into her criss-crossed arms. The cut is deep but the relief is only momentary. The real pain is buried much deeper.

Simon considers another weekend, another faceless girl, a nameless conquest to add to the list. His heart is holed away under his hollow-framed bed. Uncertain of the future, he lives only for the moment.

The bricks and mortar, the fields of our slavery are different, but the oppression and injustice are still the same. We focus on coping in a world that teaches us that the crushing reality of our present is inescapable. We try to learn to manage, dosing ourselves up and dulling the pain away.

From whence will our deliverance come? The light of hope in our eyes has dulled and we have embraced the cynicism of the condemned. We exist and survive and pretend we are doing fine. Where is the God of our forefathers?

Meanwhile, a few of us remember a story from our youth. A tiny baby born in an occupied land. Hidden, chased, forced to become a refugee. Born to a virgin. Talked about in Heaven and on Earth. An unlikely candidate.

The face of God, wrapped in humanity. ‘I AM’ shrouded in vulnerability. Divinity hidden and humility embraced. Beyond the tired rendition of yet another Christmas Carol, hope streams into the places of our slavery and oppression. The rumours of deliverance come true. Life is found. The wait is over.

Minumum Integrity December 17, 2007

At THQ, all our desk are seperated by grey, fabric dividers. These are not especially imaginative, and most people use them to stick up phone lists or other boring office-type things.

I, however, have spent the last 12 months sticking up photos, bible verses, newspaper clippings, poems and other inspiring bits and pieces. I am unashamedly fond of my divider. It helps me in many a moment when I am stuck for inspiration for an article, or uncertain how to word an email. There have been many times when I have sought solace from writing endless prayer diary requests by perusing throught the cuttings, remembering things that God has said, or moments captured in a photo.

Today though, I looked at my divider and saw clutter. It’s all good stuff, but I wanted to change it, to highlight one particular aspect that I am grappling with at the minute, to focus my attention in those mind-wandering moments. 

So I took down all the cuttings and photos, all the nice comfortable memories, and replaced them with one word:

HOLINESS.

I wish I could say that I had this one all wrapped up, that me putting the word there was a celebration of acheivement or breakthrough in this area, but my motivation was wholly different.

I did it because holiness is one of those uncomfortable things that I need to keep reminding myself of my commitment to. It isn’t just a glib thing that I have to nod in the direction of every so often, but it should be a defining principle of my existence. All too often I fail to take a stance of holiness, instead embracing whichever bit of gossip has come my way, or joining in with an office slanging match, or keeping quiet when I should have spoken out.

The Salvation Army is, essentially a holiness movement, and yet so often it seems to be unfashionable, an underground concept that only a few ‘prudish types’ embrace. So often we are not prepared to be the odd ones out, to go against the crowd, to make ourselves unpopular for this reason.

Under the word ‘Holiness’, I’ve printed some words from The Vision:

“The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best. It is dangerously pure.”

This is the holiness I want to live out in 2008. Not ‘getting by’ on minimum integrity, but thinking before I speak. Not judging others, but not getting involved where silence is the better option.

Christmas Approacheth December 17, 2007

This weekend, and the days preceeding it were a feast of Advent excitement for me. So many Christmas-themed meetings and services and events.

The fun started on Thursday with the THQ Christmas Carol Service. Think 200 people squeezed into our assembly hall, lots of lovely carols, some inspiring solo items and significant members of the SA leadership dressed up with tea towels on their heads… Unbeatable. At the end, everyone got a coaster with a lovely benediction on:

“May peace be with you, May love watch over you… May His unfailing love, Be granted you from above, May God supply you with the things you need, To exceed your wildest dreams, I can see His light is shining down on you” etc.

After this we had the THQ Christmas dinner. This was, on the whole, a glorious fayre (the bullet-like spouts excepted). It was a good chance to natter and share intriguing cracker jokes.

On Friday, we all donned jeans and embarked on a day of festivities. Burgeoning in-trays were overlooked as the Evangelism department partied in style (Well, sort of). We had lunch in a newly discovered, near to the office, Starbucks, which was grand. In the evening we went to the Elephant & Castle chinese buffet (The least that is said about this the better, although suffice to say I now know where to source rat curry if I should ever require it).  

The group of us travelled into town, next, and went to the Criterion Theatre, to see The 39 Steps. It was a very funny performance, the highlights of which had to be one of the scottish characters, who sounded so completely like my Grandad, and the fake snow which fell on all the audience at the end. I liked that.

After the show we embarked on a slightly mad-dash through the streets of London to find Charing Cross station. We circled a statue once, utterly clueless as to which direction we should go, until we decided to go back into the theatre and ask. Cue more aimless, amusing wandering, dodging the Jesus Army and pestering Policemen for directions. We made it eventually, a fact which  made me proud!

On Saturday I headed over to Bromley for Encounter, which is like a prayer and worship event that takes place monthly. It was a small gathering, and quite low key, with a number of simple ‘prayer stations’ set up, causing us to consider different aspects of the Incarnation, the light that Jesus brought etc. It was great to take time out, to not have to sing carols, but to be able to connect with the story.

Sunday passed in a blur of busyness. We joined with a local charismatic church to have a party-type service in the morning. This involved singing, dancing, and a gargantuan cake (I mean it… it had 6 layers of sponge!)

In our afternoon service we looked again at aspects of Advent, I was helping to lead it, and I manged to paint on a smile and make it vaguely orginal I think.

This week will probably involve more festivities. I have another Christmas meal on Wednesday, and then we are taking our youth group into town on Friday to celebrate with them (Hmm, central London a few days before Chrismas, we must be mad!)

In all this, I feel quite advented out, to be honest. I’m not one for singing lots of carols, and I get so excited about Christmas that I just want it to arrive now. Oh well, only a week to go!!

Strangely Alive December 12, 2007

I woke up this morning, and, for the first time in a good couple of weeks, found myself feeling alive and energetic, rather than considering if anyone would notice if I covered my head with a duvet and dozed off again.

My bedroom was freezing, I’m sure there was frost on the inside of the glass. I found myself crashing into many things, disorientated, as I searched for warm clothes. It was still dark outside, and a few stars still winked through. The prettiness of it all really struck me.

I spent a few minutes wondering what had made me so cheery, so early. Usually I am in a semi-conscious haze most of the way to work. Then I remembered, I have lots of things making me feel excited about the next few weeks. That excitement beats in my chest whenever I am still for more than a moment. It is hope, it is surprise, it is anticipation and it is vision.

Firstly, it is less than two weeks until Christmas now. I am strangely thrilled about that this year. I am looking forward to time off, time to reflect and time to celebrate. I am also happy that this year I am not going to retreat to bed for a couple of hours on Christmas day because I am so drained!!

Secondly, then it will be New Year, when I get even more nostalgic and reflective. I am so looking forward to all 2008 will bring, it will be cool to get there!

Then, on Jan 11th-13th we are all heading off to Swanwick for our big prayer conference – ‘The Gathering’. This, really, is the pinnacle of our year, and I am so looking forward to the event. We are going to spend time thanking God for getting us this far, and seeking him for the future. I’ve also been tirelessly rounding up a bunch of ‘nextgen-ers’ to be there, and I see the weekend as an important statement of intent, a prophetic declaration that we mean business in prayer. I can’t wait to see what it sparks off and sets in motion. 

There are loads of other exciting things afoot, but I’ll leave those for another time. Suffice to say these are thrilling days!!

Golden Compass December 12, 2007

Last night I went to see The Golden Compass, with some friends from church. I am aware of all the controversy about the film, but I don’t really want to comment on that. There were, however, a lot of things that struck me from the film, and this is my attempt to work through some of them!

Firstly, I loved the sense of destiny surrounding Lyra, the main character. She grows up almost entirely oblivious of this, running pell-mell around the streets and roofs of a futuristic Oxford. She was, however, born to be more than a normal girl. There is a sense of fight and determination about her. When she finds out that children are being stolen, something in her rises up and calls her to fight against this. (I’ll concede that this is portrayed more strongly in the book than in the cinematic version). This made me think about how this is true for each one of us, how we have a purpose and a destiny, and we’re found in a constant battle to find that, a voyage of discovery to uncover who we were born to be.

I also liked the complexity of Mrs Coulter, played in the film by Nicole Kidman. At the risk of spoiling the plot… she is, at first, portrayed as quite a sinister character, her intentions are not clear, and we soon see a cold, cruel side to her. As the film goes on, she is the stereotypical ‘baddie’. Then, towards the end of the story, she sweeps in and saves Lyra, just in the nick of time. We learn that she is actually Lyra’s mother. (Again, in the book this fact is made clearly much earlier on). This contradiction brought us all up with a start. It made me think that so often situations are not clear cut – those who are portrayed as wicked are sometimes inherently good, while those we trust can sometimes betray us most deeply. Our interactions are a mixture of intention, motive, agenda, spontaneity, conscience and circumstance.

I did struggle quite a bit with all the talk of demons, and of looking into a golden compass to find the truth… and the violence of some of the battle scenes made me blink a bit at the PG rating, but on the whole it was an alright film.

It backed up my books vs films thing though… the book is so much better – richer, more intricate, deep. Hmmm. 

Be born in us… December 10, 2007

A few days ago I was trying to explain why I like reading so much, and why I’d always choose to curl up with a good book over watching a film, or TV show.

I worked out that, for me, reading is important, because it gives my imagination an outlet. The problem with film and TV is that it’s all done for you, text is interpreted by a director, and then you watch how they imagine something to look.

If a story contains a description of a place, I want to picture it myself, conjure the images myself, savour the colours and intricacies that are peculiar to my interpretation. Only then do I feel as if I am fully engaged with the story. Only this way am I able to get totally lost in a scene, absorbed in the mental picture I create.

 I was thinking yesterday, about how this relates to my interaction and engagement with the Christmas story. This is my 25th advent, I’ve probably heard the story countless times, often it feels like a scene I am watching on the television, only half-concentrating because the work is all done for me. I have seen the nativity scene presented hundreds of times, read it probably thousands. It’s like one of those famous soap episodes that has been repeated over and over again.

Yesterday in church, we sang ‘Oh Little Town of Bethlehem’, which again, I’ve sang countless times. This time, however, I was really struck by a line in the last verse:

“Be born in us today.”

I know this refers to a lot of theological stuff about incarnation, and Jesus living through us today etc, but for me yesterday it reminded me of something else.

Christmas was about Jesus being born into the world once, and this has eternal connotations for all of us, and for history after that point (and before it too, I guess). This can’t be as far as it goes however.

If I can find a way to engage with the Christmas story afresh, to connect with God today through those well-rehearsed phrases, that means that something of Jesus, something of that incarnation, is being born in me today. I will begin to grasp that the gift has relevance and impact on the life I am living in 21st century London.

This year, I want to make the effort to approach the story as if I am reading words on a page, words I may have read before, but that I cannot help but create into lavish and colourful scenes in my mind. I want to try to avoid the sense of detachment, as if the story is just some kitcsh old film that is repeated every Christmas, with the sole purpose of providing background noise while everyone dozes off after dinner.

Surely God becoming man, vulnerable, dirty and inconsolable deserves this much.