In the Middle November 3, 2007

I think something reflective happens to you, when you enter the famed era of your ‘mid-twenties’… recently I’ve really noticed this -Does it happen to everyone?

 Last night I was awake for a long time contemplating life. I thought about the last year, its highs and lows, and all the things I have learned from it.

A year ago this week, my closest friends at church had a baby, their first. It was a big change. Also, I started a new job, a big change for me and thrilling after what seemed like endless waiting. Thirdly, a year ago today I got a phonecall telling me we’d got the house we had been so hoping for. I remember ending this week, last year, feeling a mixture of excitement and anticipation and terror and relief and hope.

Twelve months down the line, a lot of things look different than I would have expected. There have been moments this year when I wondered what on earth was going wrong, where I questionned my ability to hear God at all, where I considered jacking it all in and leaving. I feel older, wiser, more jaded maybe, but more realistic at least.

In the same moment, I am also amazed and overjoyed about the things this year has held. I feel like I’ve found my feet a bit, that things seem to be levelling out and I actually understand life a bit better. Maybe the challenges and struggles of this year were actually refining moments?

 There is a verse in Job 23 which I go back to repeatedly:

“But he knows the way that I take;
       when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.”

I find this really comforting.

I like being ‘almost 25′, I like it that things seem to be slotting into place, with work, with Wandsworth, with life in general; but in the same breath I like it that God often lets things get turned upside down in order to teach me more about him.

Vision Days November 2, 2007

One of the wonderful things about my job, is the fact that I get each Friday off. I usually spend them in and around Wandsworth, doing a bit of admin for the Boiler Room, or filling in where I’m needed. The pattern has been more random since the Boiler Room building was knocked down in August, but today has been the most productive and inspiring Friday in a while.

 We spent a lot of the day planning for the weeks and months ahead. In three weeks we will be celebrating three years since we launched as a Boiler Room. I can’t quite believe it has been that long. So much has happened since those heady days. I feel older, wiser, more tired but in the same breath more alive and excited and expectant. Back then we were all caught up in the buzz of starting something new, these days we realise we have ridden out some tough roads in the past three years, but, in it all, God has done, and is still doing, some awesome things. We scribbled out how we’re going to celebrate the 3rd birthday, how to cast the boiler room vision again for new people, and how to recommit ourselves for the next 3 years!

After that we spent some time thrashing out ideas for next weekend. On Saturday 10th Nov at Notting Hill Salvation Army, we’re going to be holding the first of 6 sessions in a ‘divisional prayer school’. The day is open to all and will cover lots of different aspects of prayer. Next week we’ll be looking at our identity in Christ, how that makes a difference and how God can heal us in this area. I’m going to be speaking, because it’s a bit of a pet subject of mine, and we put some ‘meat on the bones’ – planning responses and activities etc. It’s really exciting to be mixing my work/prayer stuff with Wandsworth and London stuff. I can’t wait to see who comes and how it all works out.

 After that we did some general planning for next year, and bought lots of Fairtrade goodies, as we are going to become a ‘Fairtrade Church’ on Nov 25th, the same day as we celebrate our birthday. The most exciting purchase was 24 fairtrade advent calendars… hurrah!

After a flying birthday visit to one of our friends (a very enjoyable flying visit), we headed to one of the ladies in church’s house for the inaugaral ‘leadership cell’. We watched a dvd from Willow Creek, and then discussed how it impacted the way we do church at Wandsworth.

The key message of the dvd was about owning vision. Bill Hybels said that there is a direct correlation between the level to which a vision is owned and that to which it is implented by the main congregation etc. He talked about the story in John 10, where Jesus talks of the difference between owners of the sheep and hired helps. Hirelings will run away when  the going gets tough and things are dangerous, whereas owners have a responsibility and commitment to their sheep, and will even lay down their lives for the sheep. He encouraged us to look at the areas in which God has given us vision, and consider whether we are hirelings or owners in those areas. Very challenging stuff, and useful as we go forward and walk into our fourth year as a Boiler Room.

Many Phrases, One Phrase November 1, 2007

I’ve been musing over the last few days about the way we react and respond to people’s comments, both negative and positive ones. In sociology, we learned that it takes seven positive, encouraging statements to counteract one negative comment. That’s a pretty high number.

Its key also, that seven people who are simply acquaintances  can say nice things about us, and then we receive one criticism from someone we love, and it can feel catastrophic.

We know that we should derive our sense of identity from God, but often it is so hard to work that out in practice, when the world says we should be different, and that we arent good enough, etc etc.

Often we find ourselves wishing we could ‘turn off’ the nagging feelings of dissapointment that negative words leave us with.

On Monday night, I had a dream which really encouraged me in this area. In it, I was walking around carrying a huge blank artist’s canvas. As I watched, loads of colours and lines were painted onto it. In my dream, I heard God speak some of those words of encouragement and affirmation I needed to hear. Instead of a blank canvas, I was soon carrying round a painting in progress, a display of the things he had said and the way he saw me.

As I watched, other people came up and wrote things onto the canvas – they were positive things, I was a little embarrassed, but at the same time touched that people thought those things.

In my dream, I saw the negative, unkind things that people have said, floating around me – It was like I was aware of them, but they didn’t make it onto the canvas. They may have upset me at the time, but thye don’t have the power to shape my life or affect the things I do. It was helpful to remember that.

One of the things I often forget about God, is his constancy. The fact that he doesnt change mood depending on the weather, external factors, or my faithfulness. I often fail to approach him because I assume he is likely to be fed up with the things that are bothering me, or the questions I have.

It has been helpful to remember that God is not like our employer, who tolerates us because we fulfil a useful role. He is like a Father, and a good one at that. He never puts his own emotions before our needs.

It is hard to remember this stuff. It’s hard to make it part of our everyday life. Often it feels like it would be so much simpler to ‘throw in the towel’ and join the world in thinking that we are rubbish.

But I’m remembering the ‘One word’ moments I’ve had with God. Where one phrase from him, one reminder of how he sees me, one Bible verse that jumps out, speaking of his love etc, can dispel 7, or 17 negative words from others.

And I’m remembering the canvas I carry around – the picture Him and I are creating together. The joy in that. This is more than enough to encourage me to keep at it.