I’ve been musing over the last few days about the way we react and respond to people’s comments, both negative and positive ones. In sociology, we learned that it takes seven positive, encouraging statements to counteract one negative comment. That’s a pretty high number.
Its key also, that seven people who are simply acquaintances can say nice things about us, and then we receive one criticism from someone we love, and it can feel catastrophic.
We know that we should derive our sense of identity from God, but often it is so hard to work that out in practice, when the world says we should be different, and that we arent good enough, etc etc.
Often we find ourselves wishing we could ‘turn off’ the nagging feelings of dissapointment that negative words leave us with.
On Monday night, I had a dream which really encouraged me in this area. In it, I was walking around carrying a huge blank artist’s canvas. As I watched, loads of colours and lines were painted onto it. In my dream, I heard God speak some of those words of encouragement and affirmation I needed to hear. Instead of a blank canvas, I was soon carrying round a painting in progress, a display of the things he had said and the way he saw me.
As I watched, other people came up and wrote things onto the canvas – they were positive things, I was a little embarrassed, but at the same time touched that people thought those things.
In my dream, I saw the negative, unkind things that people have said, floating around me – It was like I was aware of them, but they didn’t make it onto the canvas. They may have upset me at the time, but thye don’t have the power to shape my life or affect the things I do. It was helpful to remember that.
One of the things I often forget about God, is his constancy. The fact that he doesnt change mood depending on the weather, external factors, or my faithfulness. I often fail to approach him because I assume he is likely to be fed up with the things that are bothering me, or the questions I have.
It has been helpful to remember that God is not like our employer, who tolerates us because we fulfil a useful role. He is like a Father, and a good one at that. He never puts his own emotions before our needs.
It is hard to remember this stuff. It’s hard to make it part of our everyday life. Often it feels like it would be so much simpler to ‘throw in the towel’ and join the world in thinking that we are rubbish.
But I’m remembering the ‘One word’ moments I’ve had with God. Where one phrase from him, one reminder of how he sees me, one Bible verse that jumps out, speaking of his love etc, can dispel 7, or 17 negative words from others.
And I’m remembering the canvas I carry around – the picture Him and I are creating together. The joy in that. This is more than enough to encourage me to keep at it.
